Let’s talk about them for a change; I am aware that I write about women a lot, even though I also enjoy men’s fashion and men’s world in general. We each have our own ideal of beauty and we both know, what are the things that attract us. Sometimes it’s just a look, other times it’s the way they speak, or their hands, perhaps the shape of their nose, or the attention they pay to us. Personally, I find that an attractive man is defined by a bunch of different attributes, just like an ideal woman is the one that’s not only beautiful, but knows how to listen, is charismatic, has a well developed sense of compassion, she’s feminine and has a warm personality. Well, these are some of the defining characteristics; there are others in men as well as women, but this is the way I would summarise the traits of the perfect man, who can sometimes miss and forget about one of them, but please, don’t make a habit out of it.
Positive outlook and bright thoughts
I don’t like it when people keep complaining, and negative thoughts can quickly bring me to the brink of despair. It seems to me that I already live in a world focused on the negative, which is why I can think of no reason to have to listen to the same pessimism at home. I always see a glass half full, not half empty, and I believe this should reflect in all areas of my life. There may be moments when things aren’t so spectacular, but I adore a man that finds silver linings, perhaps even humour, in the darkest of times. A positive outlook on things certainly makes things easier, especially when it comes to love.
And I don’t mean self-centeredness, not in the least. A confident man is attractive, because he is straightforward about his preferences and goals, which makes life with him a bit easier. I am a traditional woman and I love classical gender roles: A man should be a man, strong, and a gentleman, while a woman is like a geisha, gentle and fragile in a way. Of course, I take the lead and “wear the pants in the family” every now and then, but I like being able to wear a dress and have a man by my side, who will take on my worries, at least
Strength to take criticism well and readiness to change
Life is an ever flowing stream, so it is perfectly natural that it sometimes demands us to change. It’s impossible to stand still in its current, so we often have to give or receive criticism without offence. However, if we’re sure that we have made a mistake, we should be willing and open to change. Our generation seems pretty flexible to me, especially in comparison to our parents’, who seem to have grown up in a different time altogether. Yet, there are still some patterns that can be quite strong, and less so other times; but I hate the perception that men don’t have a softer side, so they can’t be hurt, that’s a lie. We can achieve change with the right words, but it’s important for our partner to understand that and want it.
Ability to listen and show interest
There’s nothing worse than a man that can talk, but not listen. Perhaps you’ve found yourselves in a situation before, where there was a lot of “me, me, me” around you, and you never got your turn. That’s sad and burdening. The key is, a man should show interest in things that are part of your world, even if it’s knitting sweaters for babies when you’re stressed, or in my case, collecting wrapping paper, because colours make me happy. Those are all rituals that are part of us and often a call for attention, so it’s good to learn how to listen.
No complaining, please
I read somewhere that a person who complains and whines all the time, is actually looking for the situations they find themselves in, or rather, conjures them up. It’s one thing to feel bad every once in a while, to be in pain, have an issue or a crisis, but it’s a completely different thing, if complaining is a sorrowful background music that ends up affecting others. Women often find ourselves in a turmoil of negative emotions, and it’s hard for us to get out of it. It’s difficult to help a negative person or a whiner, because it’s their way of life, so it’s a real challenge to change it. And after all, I don’t think that the purpose of our life is to change people, but rather to create good lives for ourselves and finding the person who can accompany us on our life journey.
Drama and laughter
Drama … such a wonderful word that is usually part of the way women act, but it gets so much worse, when it becomes a part of men’s world. I like a man who can create a bit of drama to transport you to another planet, enables you to look at things from a different perspective, because it’s often all a matter of interpretation, and things change around us, when we start moving. The problem is, it’s sometimes hard to move ourselves, and a lot easier with a little help from your partner. Laughter is the better half of life, so it’s important to laugh together, even at the most silly things, or the most mundane ones, like children, or even worse!
Well-mannered, considerate, and kind
Sounds like a lot, doesn’t it? And yet these qualities aren’t science fiction at all. I still admire a man that notices my glass is empty, or one that won’t think a bouquet of flowers is insignificant, because it’s not. I also like a man who understands that we don’t get to choose our parents, so it’s important to accept them, without fighting about it, without accusations or criticism, because we all have our bad sides, because we’re all imperfect human beings, which makes us unique. Kindness is free, and still, I often miss it: a kind voice, the kindness of doing ordinary everyday things like setting the table for lunch or remembering to pay the bills at the post office. All of these qualities seem intertwined, and it just may be that it’s difficult to start learning about them when you’re forty.
Well, I could write a whole essay about this, but you probably know what it means to be a gentleman and which qualities are the ones that many men have forgotten about, or perhaps even never had. As I’ve mentioned before, a man should be a man and therefore a gentleman, including everything this entails: from engagement to a mysterious birthday present, from a candlelit dinner to attention, when we least expect it.