The latest research shows that we haven’t changed that much, which is actually surprising. We are emancipated, independent, strong and highly intelligent, and yet I still get the distinct feeling that we don’t get all the well deserved credit. It would be interesting to make an even wider study, because I am sure that the different thoughts sifting through our heads in our adulthood, start with the upbringing. Cinderella was humiliated in every possible way, and even though she ended up marrying a prince and living in a castle, the journey upwards was very long and steep. I would have been long escaped through the window, and would have left the step-mother and the rest of the family to scrub their own house and cook their own breakfast. Girls seem to be endowed with the story of a prince that will save you, but then you grow up to be a woman and realise that it’s better to simply save yourself. The modern time prince seems far, far away from the fairytale ones. On the one hand, we have achieved everything we ever wanted, but on the other hand we often have a hard time keeping up, at least emotionally. We do a great job of punishing ourselves while having the feeling that it’s wrong to ask anything or to dare to take a tough stand for ourselves.
The female mission on this planet is to care for others: that is why we have a husband, a partner, children, a cat and a dog, and also an apartment and a garden or at least a balcony with flowers. And as you know, if you don’t water them yourself, they wither. So the others are like appendages; I’m not saying they’re unpleasant, far from it, I’m the greatest geisha in the world, but even so, it is satisfying to put yourself first, from time to time. Men excel at negotiations, they’re not embarrassed in the least, while we would rather the Earth swallowed us whole. Why is that the case? Because we have the feeling that if it hasn’t been given to us, we don’t deserve it. WorkHer is a platform that has carried out an extremely useful research, proving that women deserve more, but need to learn how to ask for or rather, demand that things go as we want them to. And the following advice doesn’t hold true only for work but for your personal life as well.
Be aware that negotiations are not a bad thing
The most important thing to do is to find common ground between your wishes and the demands of your employer or partner. You have to meet each other halfway.
Keep your goals realistic
Aim high and clear, but not so much as to make everything a mission impossible. If your responsibilities and work increase, so should your pay check.
Don’t allow your emotions to confuse you
Women being highly emotional beings, emotions often stop us. Keep them in-check, and if your job is involved, remember it’s “just a job”, and don’t take it too personally.
This doesn’t mean that you have to know the situation from every angle before allowing yourself to enter a mature conversation. If the matter is relevant to your your job, keep in mind that your employer also sees things from his own perspective and probably has lots of interests, so try to understand them as well.
Let them speak
Often, when we’re angry, we become a river of words and don’t let anybody else speak. Wisdom lies in listening, so listen first and speak later.
Things are never granted
This goes for all areas in life. Don’t think you know the truth because of something you heard in the hall. If you’re not sure, just ask. This is a golden rule that will reduce lots of stress.
Say “We” instead of “I”
You’re part of a team. It may be the one you work with, or the one at home, your family. Even if you’re dealing with your boss, remember you are an important part of the team.
It never helps to have a hysterical outburst, so it makes no sense to be loud or aggressive. Negative emotions never take you far and make you lose the battle in advance. Stand up for yourself and ask, but keep your voice calm. If you’re dealing with a choleric, peacefully ask him to calm down; if it doesn’t work, try again, because altercations will not get you the results.
This is the part where women excel, because we have not two, but six antennae. Listen to your inner voice and try following it. There is a great chance it will take you to a safe harbour.
This means you shouldn’t stubbornly stomp your feet and demand what’s cemented inside your head. Be flexible, because it’s better to do even one step forward than to stay in place. Persist, be tolerant and smart about it, and it will help resolve many situations.