I am at a loss for words, when I think of how skilled, subtle, smart, wily and oftentimes spiteful we are. Not to other people, even though that is another story, but to ourselves. When I think about the state of mind or simply about what every one of us is in the core of our being, I always picture a tiny, intimate theatre, in which our Conscious and Subconscious manifest; they act against each other, the Conscious with the dreams, actual needs and the desire for success, and the Subconscious with all its weird sabotage paraphernalia, wrenches that magically pull all our breaks, and bolt nuts that fasten things so tight we almost stop breathing. And so the play in our brain is always very intense and at the same time magical, because there is a way to control it, if we are able to accept the reality of what is going on. Sometimes I wonder if I’m the weird one, but then I realise that I’m going through the same process my friends are. And every time I think at first it must be PMS, and then I figure out that’s not it, it’s not that time yet, so it must be something else. Sabotage, my darlings, that’s all. And in that moment I am able to push my subconscious to the brim of the vessel that already seems quite full, pull it hard by its ears and push it down to the bottom of the pool, telling it to be quiet. All those tiny voices telling us so incessantly that we will fail, the fear that is so often unjustified and makes us sweat too much, the thoughts that keep us from sleeping; those are all our Subconscious gone berserk and toying with us. You shouldn’t blame it, that’s just what it works, but keep in mind not to let it get too loud, and by all means prevent it from taking the reins of the situation into its hands and start rocking the ground you stand on. That is when you should call it in for a meeting and give it a slap, because that’s the only way it will learn.
I am wild when I work and I admit I have energy to spare. Not that long ago a friend mentioned how, if I had a partner that had a similar personality, there would be an explosion. “You are a storm, you know,” she said “… and so temperamental that you can’t be stopped.” I keep thinking about her words and how I grew less tolerant over the years, how I notice more laziness that many use as an excuse for things that don’t get done. I never blamed others, the country or the system for all my troubles, the problems that arise daily just because I work with people and people make mistakes. I figure it can only be my fault, so I must find the strength inside of me to find a different way. Everything around us tells us loud and clear that we’re knocking on the wrong door, so we should just find another door. But maybe it’s easier to knock on a door that’s closed than to master the courage and the energy to find the right ones. I focus on my goals and never ever give in, so other people’s opinions don’t matter much to me. If I feel I’m on the right track, I’ll never leave, even if I bother the people who don’t like me or my work. It seems to me that is not my problem. I don’t let people’s reactions scare me, because everybody has the freedom to react in their own way and everybody lives their own truth.
I don’t whine. I dislike people who keep talking about how everything is wrong; if that’s so, then there’s no other option than to change the plans and find the better way. There is a glitter paved way for each of us and the fact that we don’t have all the same interests is excellent, because as a result, there is enough room for everybody. Especially today, in the world of digital technology and practically non-existing borders, we can achieve so much, if only we don’t confine ourselves to a narrow circle of people or an uninspiring place. I believe that others perceive us in a way that is often so unfamiliar to us: they can think we are putting them off when we’re just shy, that we’re heartless when we’re hurt, or that we’re unpleasant when we’re simply drawing a line. Does this mean that we should act in a way that others expect from us? Far from it. Their expectations are not our goals, so, my darlings, even if the subconscious is getting really loud, know that it’s not right.
I don’t like lies, mostly because they are a waste of time, but I accept that there are a lot of half-truths allowed to keep others from getting hurt. The key is not to lie to ourselves; every time I am about to set a new goal or brainstorming new ideas that usually gain strength from strong emotions, I wonder, what do I actually want, am I being completely honest with myself, am I even on the right path? It seems smart and useful to analyse these feelings, because the Subconscious sabotages these as well, it’s so wily it will turn white into black and black into white; perhaps that is why it’s good to have at least 50 shades of grey and allow yourself to have more than one interpretation of life. No harshness.
When you successfully reach your goal, aim for another one. Move forward and keep all the necessary energy for future success inside your heart ‒ that’s the only way to grow. I always think that life will be too short to achieve everything I want, and meet all the people that would make me a better person. Try not to compare yourself to other people too much, we each have our own story and you are the only author of the novel called My life. The key is within us; I admit it’s not always easy, but there are fun moments. Like when you suddenly realise that the Subconscious is busy sabotaging the cables in the motor and you just lightly tap it on its shoulder, and when it turns around, you throw a right punch directly under the chin. It’s a knock-out, my dear, try another time.