You hide your emotions from me, but you keep forgetting that eyes have a language of their own. These days, we should all get on a diet: remove the anger, regret, fears, feelings of guilt, and then stop for a moment, just enough to figure out, how we feel, when we’re healthier, so the path we take in our life can become more bearable. We all have many worries in our lives, but if we were at the end of our journey right this very instant, we would see that most of our concerns never become reality, they remain fears that are deeply rooted in our heads. A friend of mine told me that many people stay together to keep from being lonely; and then there are those, who are looking for magic. We should not only be looking for a soul mate, but for a person willing to invest in us and our love story, learn from us, watch us win, support our vision and fall in love a day at a time. Each morning over again. I happened to walk behind an elderly couple the other day and they were holding hands. I was admiring the magical energy between them, which flowed through their connection and I could only have imagined all the stories that they had gone through together. Because that is mostly what love really is: to walk approximately in the same direction and not to forget to hold hands. Because even this touch isn’t something to be taken for granted.
How complicated we are, really. We are a sea with all its waves and oftentimes it is ourselves that make them, just because we are. And it’s okay, if you think of it, because even the moon is doing the same thing. It’s just the flow of life, you either catch the tide or you don’t. To me it seems more important not to complicate too much and try to skip over a barrier, if it’s not exactly crucial. People. Relationships. Love. Friendship. Sometimes, it’s good to sit on your own rock as a peaceful on-looker and not do anything. To pay attention to sounds, colors, embraces, to listen to the rhythm of your breathing and the beating of your heart, to enjoy the perfection of a moment that may not seem perfect at first. But at the same time, it entails everything. Intuition is all we have, a possibility to turn on our old and wise antennae, the ones we were born with and have long forgotten about, which doesn’t mean they stopped working. Energy never rests, it’s good to listen to it, especially when we’re looking for answers. We should have a notebook with general directions for life, nothing complex, but something to keep us on the track from which we so quickly stray. We should realize we can’t control the way in which others accept our energy. Everything that we say or do goes through an invisible filter, composed of their personal experience, which can be very recent or ancient. Whichever it is, that is not us, so it’s important to be able to move on, even when we don’t feel supported and there are many people around us, who don’t believe in our projects. However, my darlings, love is what will set us free in the end. Love we feel for ourselves, others, and the things we create.
And then one morning, we realize that all of a sudden we’re connected to people who take care of us. We feel this vibration within that makes it clear that we’re on the right path. How wonderful it is to have someone by our side, who cares and finally allows us to be the light, even if it’s pitched black outside. Until we’re prepared to change the way we think, we keep recycling certain lessons. In circles. What we haven’t finished, keeps catching up with us, because it’s a lesson we need to understand, and we often fail the same exam over and over‒not because the professor is mean, but because we don’t understand the book. The book of life. So these days, I keep going back and forth through the book, writing, making notes, closing one chapter, opening the next, and repeat the exercise the next morning. I don’t believe that wisdom comes with age; I’d sooner say it brings silence and more of those moments, when we’re able to stop and take a look at ourselves, like opening Pandora’s box and finally seeing the shape of our soul. I like all its parts, even those that were wounded the most, and I like the free spirit, which is often hard for me to understand, but without it, I wouldn’t be myself. So I look in the mirror, give myself a little pat on the back and tell myself, as if I were a little girl, “Everything is going to be okay.” And I believe what I’m saying.
Changes always confuse us. We don’t like curves in the road and we hate paths we don’t know, because we don’t know what to expect around the corner. It’s much easier to live in our comfort zone, even though nothing special ever happens there, least of all something that would make us turn a new page or help our inner growth. But we’re like wounded animals, who prefer to lick our wounds in the dark, where no one bothers us, so we can slowly jump another prey in time and with some dignity, even if we don’t like the taste anymore. Changes are necessary; we may lose something good, but at the same time we create a chance for something even better to come into our lives. So, are you willing to take the risk? Not all the storms come into our lives to destroy us. Some of them simply clear the way, so they’re vital. When I feel profoundly happy, I’m usually not in my “nirvana stage”, I may even be troubled, but at the same time I sense I can resolve the issues. This surge of women’s power gives me a rush of adrenaline each time, along with the certainty that nobody can set boundaries for me. They may try and may even have fun doing it, but I will find a way, an exit, a word or simply silence, I will rise a little bit further. And when I look back at everything I have done, I see lots of hills and even more valleys; everything is green, there’s some snow, a wild spring and a fragranced summer. I see myself and many shades of a woman, who never knew, what’s in store for her, but who took the leap. Sometimes into emptiness. Other times into a safe harbor.
My darling ladies, do you trust your journey? It can be hard…Because we never understand it completely and we keep wondering, why. And yet, sometimes the things we think we don’t want the most are really the only ones we need.
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