What is the mysterious message of this moment or the situation you’ve found yourself in? There is a personal message hidden in everything you’re facing in your life; it’s the right answer and it’s meant only for you. The question is: Are we able to recogniseit? My answer seems to be No butI hope you have better luck.
I suppose the past few days, the moon has turned upside down, because I’d like nothing more than to slam the door shut and tell the world to beat it. You know how it is, when all things pile up in one particular week and you feel like you’ve joined thepsychopaths’ club and you’re desperately trying to unsubscribeto the membership. Then I try to remember not to lose all hope, because we don’t know what tomorrow brings. We put too much power into other people’s hands, so they would change our vibrations, but all we achieve is a feeling that iseven more disconnected from the world. This happens in jobs and families and it makes you want to give up sometimes. Yesterday, when I was sitting in my car, driving on the highway, I kept thinking the road might as well be endless and I’d be perfectly fine. On this road, we usually miss people who often don’t even think about us and it’s painful to realize how much time we waste, but high flying emotions are a thing without logic, they swoosh past us here and there like spoiled children, beyond your control. Time doesn’t heal us, we heal ourselves. My head is so full it seems like the car is driving itself, because I’m too preoccupied looking at the past in the rear view mirror and then I forget the here and now, get stuckin traps and emotions that are requiredof me, of any woman, to shedmy skin off. I’ve tried, but, unfortunately, it doesn’t work that way.
We’re all in search of perfection and ways to be liked. So sometimes, I also dial the number of a person I rather wouldn’t have known, or talkedto, but life is all about jumping through hoops, sometimes we fall and other times we jump high enough. In between, we build up our stamina, because we know the story is far from finished. I still have a memory somewhere deep inside, of snow and a wooden house with a family that takes care of everything, and the life in the midst of hills that seemed so difficult and exhausting, and yet fascinating. I thought I would probably need something like that to finally clear all my chakras: a life at 6,000 feet, alarm clock going off at five, preparing guests’ breakfast at six and doing everything else until eleven p.m., when you probably fall in your bed face forward, so tired you even forget where you are. But physical work steadies the mind and it’s no coincidence that I clean my house in difficult times. The work tires me and leaves me with no time to think, dig deep and get into it with my ego, only to leave it be, because you know that one can only do so much and everything else is just a blink in the universe.
I’m sitting in a park with a book and I know what’s missing inmy life, which things can make me utterly happy, which places have seen me flawless and where I was meant to catch magical moments of happiness that never depended on others, but only on me. And, as a friend of mine would say: It’s because we spend so much time thinking about other people and their reactions that we end up losing ourselves and not doing what we were always meant to. It’s hard for us to grow up, even if we’re 60, because the inner child we nourish so carefully, always seems to hold us back a bit. It lets us know with a kind voice that things used to be better, because there weren’tso many things to worry about, and it was so easy to just play, because we didn’t have to think about getting through the month. We thengrow up and the world turns into a jungle and I’m happy to say that suddenly, there are lots of monkeys around us, and an orangutan, just not as smart as the ones in the wild. And life makes it so that these individuals have all the strings that influence ourlife. Until you say enough is enough.
There is a button, buried somewhere deeply. Sometimes you can find it inthe back of your neck and it goes on when things get too much and we feel the shivergo up your spine. Other times, it gets activated inside your head, when it gets hot or heavy, and you start worrying that you’ve gone too far and that it’s not worth it in the end. This is the moment we’ve pushed the button, my darlings. And the work of the inner saboteur stops.
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