This week, I had anhonor to host a very special conference, part of which were in depth discussions about relationships, connectivity, business and a person as a whole. It was also about life and happiness, which we search for with such dedication, we often forget it’s in the palm of our hands, right next to us, each day and each moment, if we only know how to recognize it. Then a question arose, perhaps awful, but human nevertheless and on point: What if you only had a month left to live? What would you do, where would you go, who would you spend your time with? The charismatic keynote speaker of the BNI conference Dr Aleksander Šinigoj admitted almost everybody answers: I would quit my job. This means we don’t exactly have dream jobs and we naturally strive to get rid of them, because we don’t like them and it’s clear that bad relationships are mostly created in our work environment. As a psychologist, my radar starts working overtime, because these topics are my pet peeve and I think we’re all in the same boat. There are stars above us, of course, but sometimes it’s hard to see them.
If you read my articles regularly, you must know by now I’m a very positive person. To me, a glass is always half full and I have difficulty calling it empty; even when it’s the hardest, I still find something beautiful or at least I try really hard to find it. And yet, if I only had a month left, I would do the same: I would quit my job and try to spend 24/7 with the people closest to me, my family, a few of my friends, I would try to catch more sunlight and even a raindrop or two, to memorize it for when I don’t get to see rain anymore. My heart shrunk when I realized, how many moments I actually wasted, how many unnecessary people and situations, which haven’t reflected me in a long time, how many wrong turns, heavy thoughts, like backpacks full of stones, which I really can’t carry around anymore. But still…Part of a woman’s mission is taking on too much and then pretending like everything is in its place, while life passes us by without even touching us, because the wild river runs too fast to even understand, if the water is lukewarm or ice cold. One never knows.
So we paused at the things we all know but are difficult to achieve. Choosing our goals and the path we take, making decisions for ourselves to listen or not listen to those who always focus on the negative. It’s their truth, not ours. These days, the Universe is busy gathering clues, somethingI notice more and more. I open a book and it opens at the right page, I meet an old friend, who surprises me with wise words, I visit a stranger and he enlightens me like an Indian guru and then I shyly drag my feet home, close the door behind me and start analyzing all my thoughts. That is why this question touched me so much; I probably wouldn’t do much in a month, but I would be able to make a few phone calls to find the people I would really want to say goodbye to, and I really wouldn’t waste any time on silly things like I do now. Life is amyteriouspuzzle and part of the reason why is that you don’t know, when it ends. Still, our human vanity makes us live it as though it’s going to last forever. The only thing we have is time, but not eternity, just the time allotted to us. The speaker said we should look for sprouts, because they’re the only things that count. Perfect moments of happiness that children know and all the moments when we made somebody else happy, because other people’s happiness is really our own, so it makes sense to give some away and stand on the other side of the river once in a while.
Are we able to do this? I’m not sure. on one hand, I think it’s good to live in this kind of a perfect ignorance, when we act like roosters in the middle of an arena, certain that nothing is going to touch us. And just like roosters we can only focus on one thing, so we completely miss the point of it all, the point of life, running by us uninterrupted. I think we also miss the point of the perfect picture, of which we are a part of, but not the only part. You know I don’t believe in coincidence, because more often than not, I feel like there’s someone watching us from above, pulling an invisible thread now and then, changing courses, moving people away and then nearby again, just so they can watch my reactions and maybe compel me to take in a lesson or two. I take the phone in my hands and the quote finds me online, or maybe it’s just a thought that starts a wave of new and wakens every sense in me, because I know there is a lot of truth in it:
“There’s always a little truth behind every ‘just kidding’.
A little knowledge behind every ‘I don’t know’.
A little emotion behind every ‘I don’t care’.
And a little pain behind every ‘it’s okay’.”
So that’s how we live, pretty insincere, because it’s hard to maintainnormal relationships and deal with everyday people. But still, my darling ladies, I have to ask you: What if you only had one month to live?
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