They asked me in school what I wanted to be when I grow up.
I wrote down: “I wish to be happy.”
They said I didn’t understand the task.
I answered they didn’t understand life.
I ran into an old friend and coworker this week in a shopping mall, a stylist. We started chatting in the hallway, but moved to a nearby cafe, because the conversation became deep and interesting. I loved the girl talk and female energy as well as sensing these invisible threads that connect us women: when you don’t see each other for more than a year or even more and then realiseyou’re still so close as though no time had gone by at all. I find there are similarities to our stories: we’re very happy and confident, we stumble sometimes, but that’s okay. When I turn back, I see a bunch of friends who used to be so free, but nowadays they spend their time changing diapers, keeping up with kindergarten or school activities, and it’s like they have an extra speed in their gear. I believe mother nature gives us this speed so we can use it to our advantage and to do good for others, but above all to be able to fight our way to perfect happiness. Chuck Palahniuk once said that happiness is the biggest revenge of all: nothing gets people as agitated as whenthey notice how wide your grin is.
So, have you smiled yet today? I have, numerous times, even though my weekend was quite busy working, but it’s work that I love and I would probably be a bit lost without it. On the other hand, I think, if I happened to be married to a millionaire, I could easily stay at home and simply enjoy life. This would probably mean I would stand by quietly observingas it flows, no major barriers. Those who know me would tell you that’s not even possible, because I’m fused with the things I do and every new article I write, every TV coverage I do, every event I host, is another piece in an endless mosaic. The big picture is a woman with great wings. Who knows, perhaps she’s an angel or maybe just an ordinary woman who dared her destiny, lived full steam ahead, created a wonderful girl and fell in love with her, saw a pair of blue eyes and fell in love again, and then traveled away. That is sort of how I feel: there are many pieces in me and each is somehow part of you, because I know we’re very much alike.
Not that long ago, it rained outside and I had the privilege to lay in my bed and just listen to the sound ofraindrops. I often do this, because it relaxes me, but I never considered it a privilege. We often start work so early we’re robbed of all the wonderful moments in ourpajamas, when we’rein no hurry and feel like the world can wait. When I finally moved, I went to the kitchen and made coffee, and my feet were still bare while I slowly sipped and enjoyed it like it was the last piece of chocolate. I was in no hurry and everything was in its’place. Later on I called Katja whom I know is always there for me, so quiet and gentle, full of wisdom, like a compass in my life, because I have a way of getting lost, but she always finds me. I think she has an invisible radar for me and I’m not sure I ever thanked her. I don’t like things or relationships to be taken for granted, because I know what it’s like to be on the other side and how bothersome it can become, so these days, I’ve been thinking about how to find the right words, the right gestures to reach her heart, although I know I’m already there.
Sometimes, I walk around inthe streets and it hits me like a slap from around the corner: this perfect feeling of happiness, like eating a bit of morning sunlight, the notes to my favorite tune or the essence of the scent that everybody turns around after. Proud and with a big grin, I walk around, I think about Julia Roberts and those moments when she laughs out loud, with the vein on her forehead and the world in the palm of her hand. There’s a bit of her flawless beauty in each of us and you know it doesn’t cost you anything to smile, so we could all do it more. In a world that can be so gray and exhausting sometimes, full of stiff faces, I walk around like a little lamp. If you’re grateful for the beautiful moments that are meant for you, the Universe makes sure you get even more of them. And I count them: one, two, three, four…The list is very long and every happy moment is a tiny, but important drop in the sea of confidence and female energy that rules over you,when you least expect it. Because we are witches, aren’t we? Perhaps there’s a light built into us, so we can keep shining, first ontoourselves and then on others.
I’m not sure anyonecan follow and that is not even important. What I think matters more is that I allow to give some happiness to myself, because I love myself very much and forgive me, if that makes me selfish.
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