Slowly and with gusto. That’s the way all the best things happen in life, and they’re usually free. I’m talking about the days I spent stretched out in my armchair, highly pregnant, binge watching Gilmore Girls, which I still like to watch today. Tomasso the cat napped on my belly and didn’t appreciate it much when Sofia did cartwheels, because he kept falling off. I often wore a white sleeping gown, a present from my mother, which was even more precious, because it used to be hers; and just like any of her clothes, it was still perfect, straight from the shelf. I’m also talking about Christmas and the twinkling lights high above the streets, which turn gold and silver and assure us that time can stop for a few days a year. That’s when we turn into children again and know how to look forward to a hot cup of tea with cinnamon; nothing special, and yet so magical. I’m talking about going to the cinema with a friend to see Sex and the City and then run across Trieste into a welcoming bar, each getting a Cosmopolitan, and the cute bartender saying “You’ve just seen Sex and the City, haven’t you?”. I guess women’s minds are an open book, or we’re just so similar, because I believe there were others before us in that place, indulging in the same ritual. I mean the Cosmopolitan, even though I usually prefer a Bellini or a Hugo, but that’s another story for another time.
Simple and unpretentious. This is how the most wonderful experiences in life happen, ones which often take me to the other side of the world, where I incidentally find peace like nowhere else. Perhaps it’s the deep blue of your eyes or the protective feeling of your shoulders, but that is where it all begins and ends. In between, I notice my favourite bag, a diamond ring, open sandals, which I’m crazy about, but they all seem to dissolve into a sea of sensations that have nothing to do with the material objects, but rather reassure me that the truth is probably different than what I used to know, perhaps not as dangerous as I’d thought. It crosses my mind that the more it shines, the less real it is, more demanding even, which also means farther from perfect happiness. And the same thought comes to life again when I’m sitting at a fashion show and it’s true that I love the world around me, but still … Now and then, I get the feeling that we’ve lost our way, because there is nothing simple in all that shines, and even less unpretentiousness.
It’s hard to buy the right atmosphere or the feeling of belonging. Small steps take us far, all the way to the finish line, and although the journey can be long, it doesn’t mean it’s not interesting. Quite the opposite, really. Half way through, you take a look around, meet new people, glance back for a second and then continue your way, and wonder again, what makes the finish line so alluring. Here and there, we lose our compass, of course, because life is full of roundabouts and sideways, which are good to discover with somebody, but sometimes you’re meant to be alone and you simply have to get through them by yourself. In silence. Enjoying your own company.
September is a special month. It’s a month of weddings and love, a month of beginnings and ends, and also a time when we draw a line and contemplate life, ourselves, our friends, and happiness. It’s only been a month since I stood in the middle of the night on the water line, my nose toward the stars, looking at my part of the sky full of glittering lights; for many of which I felt as though they were more than just stars. Movements. Traces. Stardust. Comets. Fire. And then silence. Everything around us happens in an instance before it burns out. But it leaves a trace, not only in the material world, but in our hearts and souls, where it cannot be erased.
This summer, I ran into my first high school boyfriend after a long time. Ours was a fairytale love story. Innocent and just long enough that it marked us both profoundly, because first love is like an unexpected gust of wind, which rushes over your soul, leaving everything in disarray, and taking your breath away. He said something very interesting to me‒that loves never end, because we become part of one another, and it stays that way forever, regardless of the fact if we’re still together or not. I liked the thought of eternity existing among people, for better or worse.
So that’s why today, for no special reason, in my night gown and a Cosmopolitan in my hand, I’m wistfully thinking about how the best things in life are free.
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