When is it okay to say no? There are many occasions to do so and perhaps we can come off as rude sometimes, but the way I see it, it’s just a consequence, our answer to the world that can be exhausting and doesn’t or cannot understand, what it means to be a woman nowadays. I don’t consider myself to be a super hero, but I can honestly say I have too many roles. I honor each one, as each has given me a lot, but when they all come together, I feel like working in a mine for 20 hours a day and the rush of adrenaline is keeping me awake at night and by the time I finally fall asleep, it’s already time to go get ready for school and everything else. Maybe that’s why I love the summer so much, because I know I can finally find that shut down button and I lose interest in who needs me or what happens, when they aren’t able to reach me. That’s just the way it is. I can tell that if I don’t make sure I recover, others sure won’t help, so it’s best to do something about it myself. And to do something translates to saying no sometimes.
NO, because I don’t want to.
NO, because I don’t like them.
NO, because I would rather rest.
NO, because I’ve done enough already.
NO, because they don’t respect my values.
NO, because I feel like I’m being pushed into saying yes.
NO, because it’s making me feel very uncomfortable.
NO, because it doesn’t make me happy.
I found these moments, which I believe are reason enough to say NO, but I’m sure there are many others and each of us can make a list of our own. What’ seem particularly interesting is that these very thoughts can trigger a counter reaction, making us say YES, which can undo everything we’ve worked for, just because we think it only takes a minute and we’ll be fine. If on one hand I am a proponent of perfect politeness and respecting other people’s wishes and their personal space, on the other hand I quietly admire those who can say what’s what to your face and put themselves first. I honestly think they live better lives. At the same time I think it’s very rare, if not nearly impossible, to have someone next to you who sincerely takes care of you, wants you to fulfill all your goals, wants to help you grow as a person and is ready to be by your side every step of the way. Suchpersons are very rare, but perhaps you’re one of the lucky ones and you have someone like that at your side. If you do, I sincerely hope you’re aware of it and won’t let them go.
One day you wake up and hear something clicks. You turn left and right, but you’re alone in the bedroom and there’s nobody there to cause that sound, so you realize it was you. You realize what’s important and what isn’t. You learn to overlook what others think of you and care more about what you think about yourself. You realize how far you’ve come and can still remember when you felt like you’re living in a state of complete chaos, thinking that you’ll never be able topick yourself up. Then you smile. You laugh, because you’re utterly proud of yourself, of the person you’ve become. It was a long process, involving a difficult inner struggle that left its consequences, it changed you and allowed you to become stronger. Like getting on the next step and immediately realizing that the view is even better from there. You pat yourself on the back for making it this far, you wonder, why you didn’t do it sooner, but at the same time you see that there is a time for everything. Even this sense of wisdom and feeling that you belong in this world, when you actually think things wouldn’t be the same, if you weren’t here and even if some people want to do back flips, it cannot be changed.
I thank the Universe for allowingour heart to get hurt and bleed to then rise up to the challenge, become stronger, healed, full of love and hope again and infinitely magical. It’s hard to change the past, we’re not allowed to do so, but we can change the steps we take from hereon.
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