I came across a very interesting article not long ago on the relationships between men and women that described love relationships beautifully, but mostly focused on the unhealthy relationships and the mistakes women make without even realising it. When I talked to my friends about it, I became aware of the fact that all women have similar tendencies, perhaps because we expect too much or we just simply expect, and expecting anything can be counter productive. I always see how important it is to work on ourselves and seeing clearly at any given moment that our partner is not a doll we could do whatever we wanted with. He is rather an independent being that should not change just because of us. If that does happen, however, you should know it won’t be a permanent change, or a sincere one, because it’s difficult to change once you’re 30, 40 or 50. When you reach that age you’re a complete person and all your bad and good qualities have already formed. I am certain that each of us has been in a relationship that didn’t work, furthermore, we’ve all seen a story that was very similar to the previous one. This may sound strange, because it points to the fact that we have not learned anything significant from our past mistakes. But … is it really so? Perhaps it’s worth asking why things repeat themselves, why we always follow the same old patterns and run into same old people that turn out to be copies of the previous ones. Here are some insights.
Image source: Pinterest
Image source: Pinterest
Control freak
You know the drill ‒ when a woman can’t put down the phone or close the e-mail and starts reading, snooping, deleting or controlling everything that is not hers. She has a simple explanation for it: “If there is nothing to hide, I am allowed to do this.” But it’s not about hiding anything, it’s about this sort of behaviour being unhealthy and not normal; it proves that there is no trust in the relationship. A lack of her confidence reflects in her behaviour, which is highly disturbing and almost always brings the relationship to an end. You cannot control everything, simply because you do not own your partner. He is an independent person with his own life. You can’t throw him in a pit and demand that he only spends time with you, only writes you, only looks at you, only talks to you. What you should do is try to be in his company, to be his favourite person to talk to, his favourite person to look at, because you make his life better. That’s love, everything else is a sick attempt to control a person who will end up running away.
Expectations
This is another typical female subject, and a sore one. We all have expectations and the smaller things can be expected sometimes, but I could write a lot about the bigger ones. Marriage, children, a life together … you can’t force these things. They are a mutual understanding and common interest, so forcing and expecting them (and being offended later) is useless, if you can tell there is no sincere interest coming from the other side. Not everybody wants to get married, have kids or life together after a month, after all, and that’s the way it should be. People are different and if you know these are your goals, you should choose a partner who has a similar perspective on these issues. Don’t try to change him, because it won’t pay off in the long run. The best thing to do is to leave your expectations out of it and allow yourself to be surprised, which is also the only way to keep disappointments to a minimum.
Quid pro quo
This is another part of the expectations game. Just because you’re thinking of a powerful symbolic present, such as a ring, doesn’t mean that your partner must buy you one. If you decide to give a present or do someone a favour, you should do it for yourself, because it makes you happy, and not because you expect something in return. Things in life work in a way that the more give, the more you receive and that is when the right people enter your life ‒ exactly because you’re not expecting them.
Image source: Pinterest
The past
Close the door, nobody is interested in what happened, when it happened and with whom. The worst you can do is to reminisce about the problems you had a year ago and always dragging the past up when things heat up. First of all, it’s not fair, and second of all, it’s not productive. If you have forgiven, you should forget, because thinking of past sins doesn’t help either you or your partner. Anger sometimes comes with a desire for revenge and that is precisely when we start thinking about the past; if for instance you have been cheated on and decided to forgive, you should put it away.
Lying about how you feel
Don’t say you’re feeling fine, if you’re not; your partner should be the person that understands you for better or worse, so he doesn’t expect you to always be great. If something hurt your feelings, if you’re feeling sad, depressed, in a bad mood, worried, you should express all of it. All the small things that seem to pass unnoticed, are actually little killers that make sure we grow apart in time. Once that happens it’s hard to find our way back, so it’s good to be honest and talk about the things that weigh you down or bother you.
24 hours with him
I know that especially beginnings are filled with love and passion, but it’s vital to have your own space and moments, when you’re not together. So keep your circle of friends and allow your partner to have his own. Not only this, you should agree on evenings when you each do your own thing, which will make the time you’re together again all the better. I think it’s about emotional intelligence, because it’s physically impossible to be attracted to someone you look at 24 hours a day. It’s good to spend some time apart once in a while.
Image source: Pinterest
Don’t change yourself or your partner
Love should not demand personality changes, mostly because that’s impossible to achieve. It’s more pretending than changing. You should accept your partner a 100 %, and if he has too many bad personality traits, then he is simply not right for you. And vice versa. Life is too short to waste it on the efforts that change requires; you’ll be better off focusing on the good things and positive characteristics, because there are bound to be many, you just have to look for them with the right set of eyes.
