Simply woman

There’s a scent of fresh linen in the air on the balcony. I always admire things drying in the fresh air; it fills the nostrils with a nice aroma. It reminds me of my childhood and my mom, who was always so enthusiastic about doing the laundry, cleaning, tidying up … we have this in common. Everything is still around me, time frozen and beautiful moments caught mid-air. The sound of summer is full of crickets, which are really loud at the moment, and to me their song is a synonym for vacation and the months when life is supposed to be easier, more peaceful, and running at a slower pace. I turn my face toward the sky to look at the clouds, they move around like a flock of tiny sheep, and just like I usually do, I try to recognise a familiar shape: a puppy lying down, a castle right next it, which evaporates a few seconds later and transforms into something else entirely. Everything is moving right in front of me, because life doesn’t know how to stop and we’re all caught in its current, although mine is a bit lazier than usual right now. I am perfectly fine and if I think about it, everything is in the palm of my hand, except for the restless heart, which produces some dark thoughts now and then‒but I can blow them away, as though they were clouds, and with a swish of my hand, which unfortunately isn’t holding a magic wand, they’re far away from me again.

Photo: Manca Kocjancic

Photo: Manca Kocjancic

Watching the sun set makes me realise that beauty sometimes only lasts a few moments. And when you see the sunrise again in the morning, you recognise that all life requires from us is a bit of patience to see it happen again. Do you ever get the feeling you were somewhere else in the previous life? Or perhaps just that the space you occupy now somehow seems different to what you had envisioned. And in between those moments it’s like you want to move, change, reorganise, travel, meet new people and their stories, and yet every move is hard to make at first. Once you look back to see where you are, it’s clear you’re still close to where you’ve started. It’s a strange feeling that sometimes haunts me in my dreams only to wake up in the morning and know I should turn a new leaf. This book of life, a novel, actually, one we all write with such diligence, still has lots of blank pages, and even more of those already inked with words. And if what was written is sealed in there forever, perhaps it’s the blank pages that require more attention and strength to fill them in the way we want to.

Photo: Manca Kocjancic

Photo: Manca Kocjancic

Photo: Manca Kocjancic

Life is full of contrasts and we will never understand many of them. Sort of like those days, when you imagine you want to start exercising daily and drinking gallons of water, until the moment you find yourself laying in the living room, eating pizza and ignoring the pants that are getting tighter by the hour. The thing is, in both cases, it’s simply you. On the one side now, and on the other one tomorrow. Or perhaps there actually isn’t a right side, it’s just a matter of a decision, a feeling, a moment. Because we’re all part of a storm that blows us north, then south, and it’s not often that everything is quiet around us, so we should cherish and treasure these moments. They don’t last forever, but it’s just life as it was given to us, as someone up there had imagined people would live their lives, for better or worse. This summer, I wish for many quiet moments, as few storms as possible and an infinite view, because the sea sooths me and it’s wonderful to feel the sun against my skin. When you feel everything is as it should be, everything in its place, everything in my heart, where it’s safest.

Photo: Manca Kocjancic

Photo: Manca Kocjancic

Photo: Manca Kocjancic

The balcony still smells fresh. Sometimes the beauty of things makes my eyes swell up with tears. I think beauty isn’t really hidden in the bottle of an excellent perfume or in the cosmetic pouch or at the beautician, hairdresser or underneath good makeup. Perhaps all the glitter we can sense in the air is like magic dust that fairies sprinkle from their wings, but they come from within us and are hiding deep inside. They need no beauty rituals or special attention in order to sparkle. They simply are. Inside us. Forever.