Sometimes, my daughter Sofia and I joke around-although I’m not sure if it’s really an actual joke, because there always seems to be more than just a grain of truth in the exchange, reminding us both that I am her best friend and she is mine. While it’ difficult to share every emotion and thought with a child that is just turning seven, there in fact is a special kind of bond between a mother and a daughter. It certainly is a bond that surpasses the fact that I should be the one leading her, and her, following me. She can often show me a different path and draw people close, for which I would never even think could be compatible with me. In a similar way, she was had an effect on me to be able to make a spring-cleaning of sorts, when she was born, and I cut ties with many people I didn’t need in my life, as they were an exhausting waste of my energy; I’ll be forever grateful to her for that.
Photo: Zen
Photo: Zen
Photo: Zen
I recently ran into a childhood friend of mine after a long time. Perhaps you’re also lucky enough to know someone who used to share all the summer adventures with you, but then you take your own separate paths in life, you each make a family, get new responsibilities and enter an entirely new world, so I suppose it’s natural to forget about the other or you simply lack the time to do all the little things that used to keep you close. And yet, when you finally see them again after so much time has passed, you realize that you actually never grew apart. Everything is in its place and you know in your heart that true friendships last forever, even if you don’t see each other often or don’t know exactly, what goes on in their life. Storms may have happened in between, loves, children, change of jobs, travels and so much more, but the truth is, a real friendship doesn’t disappear and you always want to reconnect with the person, an indestructible bond always remains.
Photo: Zen
Photo: Zen
Photo: Zen
The older we get, the more meaningful become our friends. Even to bake cookies together with your respective kids, to throw a garden party or visit the zoo; it’s a blessing to have a female figure in your life, with whom you can share your thoughts, and I know it’s most often quite hard to find the right and sincere one, who knows not only how to speak, but, more importantly, to listen. I read somewhere that true friends are the ones you make as a child, because they know all your stories and have probably figured out your weak spots, but aren’t trying too hard to change us. If you ever take time to observe this kind of female get together, it may seem at first that it’s all about laughter, but that’s only on the surface of things. Mostly, it’s about individual stories, which have changed over the years, brought them further and enabled them to stay rock-steady. We need a man in our lives, of course, but there are some things for which we need female understanding, perhaps because it’s closer to our own.
Photo: Zen
Photo: Zen
Photo: Zen
Sometimes, only a woman can intuit, which words we need to hear and what kind of urgent help we’re quietly asking for. In moments like these, reaction needs to take place immediately and without hesitation. There is also the matter of our strength, the silent and relentless support, without excess talk. I often find myself in a battle against time, so I don’t invest enough in a quality friendship. But then it surprises me by unexpectedly proving that it’s still there, regardless of my time. Having good friends is closely linked to being one yourself. We need to invest quality time in people and be present, when we are needed the most. I’ve made quite a few mistakes; I wasn’t there, because I lacked the energy to be there for people, when they needed me. In all honesty, life has swallowed me up these past few years, like an enormous monster, changed me and thickened my outer shell.
Photo: Zen
We need to remain friends for better or worse, in laughter and in tears, when we walk uphill and it’s exhausting, as well as when we can practically roll downhill. It’s good to know, who’s there for the long haul and who’s ready to share our sorrow. And when the perfect summer comes around and we’re laughing out loud on the beach somewhere and embrace each other on the verge of tears, we’ll know, why. And it’s going to be our own Why, full of joy and magical female energy. It is at that moment, when we simply realize we are women first, and only then mothers, partners or bosses. That is the point of spending your time with women: finding yourself again.
Maybe, you’re going to pick up the phone, call a friend and tell her that you care. Take time, my darlings, because we all get our turn on the rollercoaster of life, but perhaps not necessarily all at once.
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7 thoughts on “The wonderful friendships among women”
Amazing reading and photos
Love this post.
When I was younger, I struggled a lot in the friendship department. Because my own self esteem was so low, I tended to attract friendships that were harmful, competitive, and that tended to reflect my own feelings about myself. I was constantly feeling left out, like I was wanting, and eventually I just gave up and started to tell myself the dangerous narrative that “I’m just not a female friend person,” effectively writing off the possibility of achieving the kind of friendship I craved.
When women reach out to one another in friendship, amazing things happen.
The thing about friendship is that it’s more similar to dating than we first thing.
On the journey to finding the friendships we all crave, there are bound to be some mismatches. Just like how we all must learn to authentically love ourselves in order to enjoy romantic love, we must also be able to recognize the signs that a friendship is bringing us down more than it’s lifting us up. Oftentimes, these chains are hard to break, but they’re essential to make the space for the friendships that are truly going to fill you up in life.
In a culture that largely pits women against each other, building female friendships that allow both participants to be their authentic selves without fear of being judged is a radical act.