When silence becomes your best option

I can assume that at some time or another you’ve experienced a remark that was completely out of place, heard a sentence that really hurt your feelings, or actually say out words which you would otherwise never verbalise. I get the feeling sometimes that people are not aware of the power of silence and refuse to understand that the more silent we are, the more we can hear. Have you ever wondered, whether you actually know what your best friend’s true life is really like, her sincere thoughts and the burdens she carries? Do you ever stop and stay quiet just to let other people talk, because you genuinely want to understand them?

In the era of superficial relationships, we tend to put ourselves first, simply because there is never enough time and we’re always afraid of missing the train. But all things can never happen that fast. Certain things take time, wisdom and some contemplation about ourselves and others. The reason I’m writing about this is that I’ve been noticing, just how quickly we can criticise others, while actually using the harsh words to hide our own fears, self-consciousness and the fact that envy can sometimes reach a boiling point inside of us. I wonder about my world, which is full of those kind of people – not exactly close to me, but we cross paths, and when we do, I wonder: “Are they really that blind?” Nobody’s perfect, far from it, but a person who can only see the negative side of every situation and always focuses on the bad side of things is not a critic, only a soul that has been hurt. The fashion world is full of them, and those over-inflated egos that believe they can reach the stars. Sadly, they’re like balloons, containing a limited amount of air, making a lot of noise when you let go of them and then they just disappear somewhere unknown, as if they never existed. There is a similar situation when it comes to interpersonal relationships, when too much is going on behind our backs and not nearly enough face to face, when we take any excuse to make ourselves seem better, more capable, more beautiful, and the list just goes on.

I grew up in a family that taught me to speak less and listen more. It might sound strange, considering the work that I do, but it is true. “Think first, speak later,” my mom always says. Precious words that stuck, thankfully, and make my life easier again and again. If nothing else, I’m capable to forget all the gossip. It just passes me with no importance, I just don’t remember it. This makes me the perfect person to tell any and all kinds of intrigues and neighbours’ secrets, because I’ll never say a word. I simply delete it and forget about it. At the same time, this has made words and expression that much more valuable and appreciated; I always try to figure out, what’s hiding behind the sentence my friend just said, behind the insults of people that don’t really know one another … I try to put myself in their shoes and hold my tongue even when I would like nothing more than to turn into Ally McBeal and knock somebody out; which of course is not an option. I can still see a colleague, while I was highly pregnant, asking me if I’m having twins – I’m so enormous. As you can see, some words cannot be forgotten, even though you don’t think about them anymore. But they stay inside somewhere, hidden, like a small scratch near your heart, and they make you think about how it’s even possible to be surrounded by such idiots. Women especially can talk incessantly, stomp on every moral value and spread incredible amounts of venom, a river of toxic words that we may assume will never be avenged.

Photo & Make-Up: Biljana Babič

But you see, good brings around more good, just as bad causes so much negativity. This perspective should tell us that it is perfectly normal not to judge sometimes, not to know, not to think, just be a cloud in the sky, passing by. If nobody asks for your opinion, especially, if it’s a negative one, it’s maybe better to just stay quiet and enjoy the sound of complete silence. That is a way to prove yourselves to be sensible women.