To me, summertime is a time of perfection and not only because I was born in July, although there definitely is something about the stars being set in at your cradle, showing you the way at the beginning of your life. Well, my way is full of sunlight and the warm rays of sunshine can warm me down to the bottom of my soul and give me an endless number of precious moments I keep in a velvet box. Sometimes it feels as if no one is allowed in there. I shed every excess piece of clothing and feel free, not just as far as my body is concerned, but my soul as well; fewer thoughts, fewer responsibilities, fewer people, less noise, less of everything. I love it when I can close myself inside my magical shell and start tidying up my life like a busy little bee, collecting moments and making something unique out of each of them. The most I get to discover about myself is when I travel; not because I don’t like staying at home, far from it, more because I leave certain feelings at home and become lighter, more open to life. If it were up to me, I would live in a swimsuit, with a robe nearby, right on the water, fish on the grill and a hat on my head, the sun smiling down on me and the feeling that everything is right.
When I read your emails or online comments now and then, I get the feeling we are very much alike. Women tend to carry heavy burdens and responsibilities on their shoulders, so we need moments to ourselves, to just unwind, get away from it all, even away from ourselves, sometimes, so we can get in touch, fall in love with and appreciate ourselves for all that we are and everything we have done. There is something magical about the lightness of summer: not only does the air smell like nature and flowering balconies, pine trees and the sea, but the soul becomes calmer, wounds heal and perfect moments aren’t unattainable anymore, because, as I’ve written many times before, there are many around us, if we are only able to sense them. My birthdays always go by with a note of sadness, which I can’t explain, all I can say is that maybe I’m haunted by thoughts of time that cannot be stopped and it brings a lot of good, but at the same time it pushes me far from the start and so every step can be exhausting, especially when I’m turned perpetually back and forget that I’m actually walking in the other direction.
What also happens is that I stop controlling what I say, because there’s no need to; that’s when I know I am definitely with the right people. I trust myself, because I’ve been through a lot and realize that life will continue to test me. I set boundaries, because I respect myself and not because I’m trying to harm or offend others; that’s why I believe it would be rather good, if we could spread love as quickly as we can spread hate and negativity, because that way, we could live in a perfect world. I’m sometimes saddened that I can’t control he way the world reacts to my energy. Whatever I say or do, goes through a filter of other people’s thoughts and their experience and those I do not have any control over. We need to move on and not react, and as my mother would say, “Guarda e passa”, meaning watch and keep moving without a guilty conscience. Another reason why I love the summer is that it’s a time of year that allows me a bit more mental freedom and power to set myself in the right place, to give myself a hug and a kiss and tell myself everything will be okay, even if I’m not sure it will be; what can I do, I cannot change things.
I like talking to people and therefore I like listeners. I don’t know many sincere and bright listeners, only a few, really, that don’t interrupt me and understand when it’s time for silence to prevail. My mother says that the Me, Me, Me used to mostly be We and maybe this is what is missing from today’s life, the sense of belonging, the feeling of a large table with family and friends seated around it, the feeling of conversation, which is so simple it becomes the greatest adventure. What I’ve learned over the years is that the loud ones aren’t necessarily the strong ones, while on the other hand, calm and quiet waters aren’t necessarily what they seem. It’s important to find balance in this life full of turns, to catch as much summer as we can and enjoy the moments when we have it all and definitely not forget about the times when we had less. That’s why these days I pay more attention and I get wise and silent, I’m trying to change a habit or two that have made my life worse and practice the virtues I don’t seem to master. Like I’ve said, the summer is my time, a moment when I pay more attention to finding people who can stimulate my intellectual, emotional and spiritual growth. I don’t find many, but they are a few here and there, which is the most important thing, and that’s why I have no intention of letting them go.
Women are born with a mistake and sometimes, it can cost us dearly. We always put others first, so we teach them that we come second.
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