I wasn’t brought up with the perception that the neighbor’s grass is always greener, but traveling through life can lead you away from your real goals and makes you forget who you are or where you’re headed, every so often. I have been working since I was 16, when I first set my foot across the threshold of the television, and I haven’t stopped since. The whole world has changed since then, we even got our own country; it has to be said, life is a fluid thing and things never stand still. Or do they? The fact that I get to feel loved, contentand grateful is definitely a matter of choice as much as it is perspective. Sometimes, I feel like I was born under a lucky star and other times I feel like I worked hard, getting to where I am today, jumping through hoops like the most agile kangaroo. I admit the jumping part was much more fun at 20 than it is today, when I’ve learneda lot and pay closer attention to people, who seem to fit better ina zoo than my work environment. Another part of my upbringing was not to spend too much time focused on others or trying to change them. I also don’t know much about criticism, because I always bitemy tongue three times, before I say something ungrateful. Like right now, for example: one, two three. And it has passed.
These days, I am pushing cynicism aside and overhear words, because I know there is no better time for changes than now. It all starts here and now, not tomorrow, not in a few hours, right now, which is the only thing that makes sense. After traveling to the States, I always miss some more optimism and I really don’t think that there are no reasons for it here. I would sooner say that we should have a magical cloth for wiping down all the mouths, filled with malicious words, and all the thoughts that focus on wishing others illintentioned. I am sorry to say there are many who do, too many, and I don’t know where we’re going with it. I also think about our small country, so lovely and full of green, with wonderful lakes and cities, which are true eye-candy. Personally, I feel that’s all nothing, if we,as people,are wired the wrong way. It’s as though we have a toxic mistake, which spreads like a virus, so you’re never sure, who caught it. Not that I’m blameless, far from it, but I still have a life of my own and it’s not focused on how to ruin living on planet Earth for everyone else. I’m too busy to notice them. And I have no particular desire to meet other personal worlds, apart from friends or exceedingly interesting people. My grass is green enough, so I’m content staying in my own garden. But whenever I look over the fence and see all the heads with enormous eyes and even longer tongues stretching out toward me, I wonder, don’t they have their own pasture? Or have they simply lost their minds? It’s a life riddle I have no answer to.
People are creators ofproblems even if there aren’t any, they make some up. It’s a hobby for some and a strange coincidence will have you always meet a few odd ducks on your life’s journey. Bad thoughts are like a flat tire: you can go far, before you have to change it. And so these thoughts take charge, you become their slave, one comes after the other and you find yourself in the middle of a vicious circle, which doesn’t seem to end. Perhaps karma finishes it, because sooner or later something happens that pulls the brake and you realize you’re not the only person in this glorious world. I don’t know, maybe some people think looking on the bright side of things will hurt their eyes somehow. Or maybe they’re just so sad and frustrated that they like causing suffering or unease in others. Sometimes, I want to close myself in an invisible safety chamber and never come out again, but unfortunately life starts, where your comfort zone ends. Vivian Greene said that living isn’t just waiting for the storm to pass, but to dance in the rain. So these days, even though the sun is shining, I’m walking around the world soaked through, no umbrella, trying to catch the music, where there isn’t any. I’m dancing to my own melody, like a child would, and inside, I’m composing a new picture of people, of friends and events.
I don’t like it when I start taking things for granted. Especially the small things that matter so much, they cannot become superficial. Life takes its’ own coursealong the way, of course, but relationships are different. You slowly build them, it takes persistence, caution, and there’s still no guarantee you’ll succeed. I can count my friends on the fingers of one hand and that’s how it’s supposed to be; I don’t know about my enemies, I imagine that there could be many, but I don’t see them and I don’t think about them. Over the years, I have learnednot to believe everything blindly, but to let go and move forward to find new doors. In business as well. I would like to be less disappointed at 40, but unfortunately, I’m not. It seems that every day becomes a lost battle, because I work with the wrong people. Those who are looking at me through the fence, don’t even see there’s a door 3 feet away, they could simply open them and everything would have been easier. Still, can they? Do they even want to? I don’t think so. A common syndrome in this country is producing a load of problems and not being able to solve them; taking positions only to warm the seats; not being able to take responsibility, not knowing how to communicate, being hypocritical, full of lies and not answering emails or phone calls. Because it’s easier that way, sticking our heads in the sand like ostriches, being sure no one can see us.
This is my zoo. Maybe it’s just that my expectations are veryhigh. I expect the world to bring me a lot of good and it’s hard for me to see that only the opposite is important: what I give to the world.
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